Houses of Parliament Mafia - Death of the Prime Minister

[Mr-Paul]

House of Commons

26th June 2012

The House met at 10:30am

State Opening of Parliament

It was a fine September day and the House of Commons was welcoming back its Members for the first day of the new parliamentary term after the summer break. Everyone was preparing for the state opening of parliament and a long day of debate over what policies the coalition would be pushing over the next year. Would they be raising tax again in an attempt to reduce the deficit? Would the retirement age rise even further? The members filled the house, ready for the session to be opened by the Speaker. But there was one notable member missing…

Speaker: ORDER, ORDER! I would like to welcome you all back to the house, but we have one big issue on our hands. Can any Honourable member tell me where the Prime Minister is?

The roar from the backbenches was loud, with many Labour MPs joking that David Cameron was too busy playing polo with Murdoch to come to work today. The commotion continued, with the Prime Minister nowhere to be seen. Black Rod arrives at the Commons to invite the house to join the Lords for the Queen’s Speech. The door is slammed in his face, as is customary, but his banging on the door has an urgent tone.

Black Rod: Mr Speaker! Mr Speaker! I have some terrible news for the house. The Prime Minister has been found dead in the gallery!

Dennis Skinner, famous for his sarcastic comments towards Black Rod, interjected:

Skinner: Is the manifesto that bad that poor little Dave is playing dead so he doesn’t have to face the nasty opposition this afternoon?

Black Rod: Don’t be so disrespectful! We just found him, throat slit, tied up.

Speaker: Dead!? How? I met him for a coffee in the bar just a couple of hours ago?

The house went mad for a moment. Is this the end of the coalition? Was it suicide, or had someone in the house murdered the Prime Minister? Ed Miliband, Leader of the Opposition, took to the floor.

Miliband: Mr. Speaker, I would like to lead the house in expressing my deepest condolences and regret for the shocking loss of our Prime Minister. While we more often than not disagreed, he was a credit to the Conservative Party.

Cries of “hear hear” come from the stalls. Miliband continues.

Miliband: After the period of mourning, I propose a public inquiry into this terrible tragedy. It must have been someone inside the House, and if we do not act fast, I see it happening again. Someone is after power and will go to any means to get it. We must also elect an interim Leader of the House while the investigation goes on. Only once this mystery is solved should we appoint a new Prime Minister.

Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, stands to speak.

Clegg: I very much agree with the Right Honourable Mr Miliband. The inquiry must start immediately. I want nothing more than to catch the culprit.

Speaker: Very well. We will call a select group of members and lords to hold an inquiry into the death of the Prime Minister. We will also invite the police and the media to assist with our investigation. We will vote under the first past the post system to expel and arrest anyone they suspect of being part of this tragedy. The interim Leader of the House shall also be appointed under this system. With that, I will adjourn Parliament for the day.

The members return to the lobby to discuss the day’s events. Voting chamber is open for Leader of the House, the inquiry will begin proper in the next day phase once preliminary investigations have been carried out. Ballots close at 9am BST Wednesday 27th June.

RULES

First Past the Post – The person with the most votes will be expelled/elected. No majority needed.
Day phases will be loosely 48 hours.
Talking about the game at night is forbidden.
Posting after death is forbidden except to express sadness/say I told you so. This game is not zombie politics.
Night phases are loosely 24-36 hours.
Standard rules apply. No quoting PMs, paraphrasing allowed.
Targeting members of the same party as yourself may have interesting consequences…

To elect as leader of the house, vote using the format -
Elect: mr-paul

To expel a player from the inquiry, use the standard -
Vote: mr-paul

PLAYERS:
@Tales
@Yvonne
@Diageo
@The Peeps
@Nintendohnut
@EEVILMURRAY
@Cube
@Marcamillian
@Jimbob
@DuD
@Dannyboy-the-Dane
@Rummy
@gmac
@Aqui1a
@Sheikah
@Animal
@The fish

WRITE UPS:
Night 1
Day 2
Night 2
Day 3
Night 3
Day 4
Night 4
Day 5
Night 5
Day 6

[Yvonne]

I guess Clegg doesn't get immediate control? Serves him right the spineless bastard!

[Mr-Paul]

Forgot to add:

To elect as leader of the house, vote using the format -

Elect: mr-paul

To expel a player from the inquiry, use the standard -

Vote: mr-paul

[Rummy]

Elect: No one
Expel: No one

I'm busy with work this week so I'm not going to be as active as I'd like, tag me if you need me and I should be all done and back to normal by the end of the week.

[Jimbob]

Cool, at the moment i'm going with

Elect: No-one
Expel: No-one

[Mr-Paul]

Note that you do not need to vote to expel anyone right now, the inquiry doesn't start until tomorrow.

For now, we just have a leadership election.

LEADERSHIP VOTES:

NO-ONE (2): Rummy, Jimbob

[DuD]

Elect: DuD you know it makes sense

[The Peeps]

Elect: DuD why not

[Nintendohnut]

Elect: Nintendohnut

I will be a strong leader in this tough time. Also, I really want to have a look around 10 downing street. It looks tiny from the front, but it's really massive. Like a TARDIS! I will clear up this clear issue immediately, as it certainly requires our immediate attention.

Oh, and the whole death thing, too.

[Cube]

Elect: Cube

Because everyone else is having a go.

Expel: No-one.

[Jimbob]

Can you do this

ChangeElect: Jimbob

Just because everyone else seems to be doing it.

[Mr-Paul]

Haha if I was truly following proper voting procedures, you'd have one vote and not be able to change it, but this is a game, so changevotes are allowed!

LEADERSHIP VOTES:

No-one (1): Rummy
DuD (2): DuD, The Peeps
Nintendohnut (1): Nintendohnut
Cube (1): Cube
Jimbob (1): Jimbob

[The fish]

GL:HF!

Just to even things out:
Elect: Rummy

[Animal]

Elect: Animal because I'm a fucking bright pink, fluffy, insane motherfucking bastard! haha

Expel: liarmus *geek moment*

[Mr-Paul]

LEADERSHIP VOTES:

No-one (1): Rummy
DuD (2): DuD, The Peeps
Nintendohnut (1): Nintendohnut
Cube (1): Cube
Jimbob (1): Jimbob
Rummy (1): The fish
Animal (1): Animal

[Sheikah]

Since I don't know enough yet:

Elect: no one
Vote: no one

[Aqui1a]

Great introduction write-up

elect: ̶R̶o̶n̶ ̶P̶a̶u̶l̶ ̶2̶0̶1̶2̶ no one

expel: no one

[Diageo]

Well it looks like DuD is going to get it with the way things are going. So I will vote elect no one.

[DuD]

Peeps you are a scholar and a gent.

We may as well elect someone. I was just the first to put myself forward. come on parliament elect me, even if its just for one night only.

[Marcamillian]

A'right lads just nippin' back from Gregs (pasty or two helps you through the mornin' session at the lords).

DEAD! What the chuffin' hell!

DuD... I'll vote for ya if you let us know who you are. Don't want another toff prancin' about the place. That goes for anyone else an all. I'm happy to vote for people on a claim. Bit of give an take.

[DuD]

I'm MP Greening

[Animal]

Since it's going to go this way anyway, I may as well Elect: DuD

[DuD]

You won't regret it Animal

[Animal]

I really hope not. Just don't tax no pastries and we'll get along fine!

[Yvonne]

hmm going to need some convincing first. Once bitten twice shy

elect no one

(does that mean tomorrow we have anarchy?)

oh and VOTE RUMMY

let's see if people are awake