Milo’s Astro Lanes sounds like a fun concept. Take the quick and speedy game of bowling, add some elements of the just as nippy mini golf, add some power ups and mix it all in a retro sci-fi aesthetic. I also remember seeing this game a lot in advertising in N64 Magazine. Sadly, Milo’s Astro Lanes squanders the potential for fun.

The biggest issue with Milo’s Astro Lanes is how slow it is. It takes far too long for the ball to reach the pins, something that was likely decided due to how the power ups work.

The power ups can make your ball faster, stronger, larger or other tings like creating two clones. When it’s not your turn, however, you can use these power ups against your opponent, which hinders them by slowing down or shrinking their ball. I think the intention is that there was time for a back and forth battle of power ups, but in reality, you’re best off waiting until the final moments anyway. As a result, the game is extremely slow, and very boring as a result.

One aspect I was expecting the game to do well with was the silly animations you get when bowling, mocking you for causing a split and fun things for spares and strikes. To my surprise, there’s pretty much nothing. You don’t even get the word “STRIKE” – just some incoherent mumbling (due to bad audio quality, it’s supposed to be actual words) and a little bit of confetti. It makes an already boring experience feel extremely lifeless.

The initial concept of Milo’s Astro Lanes is good – with the lanes getting more difficult as you progress, but it’s not enjoyable to play at all.

Poor

The problem with Milo’s is that it’s just not very much fun. Balls go down alleys incredibly slowly, pins get knocked over and just disappear, then characters mumble something unintelligible and that’s it. Repeat to fade.

Tim Weaver, N64 Magazine #26. Review Score: 38%

Remake or remaster?

The concept would be nice to see attempted again – perhaps with a few sports instead of one, but done from scratch.

Official Ways to get the game

There is no official way to get Milo’s Astro Lanes.