When it comes to replaying old games, the worst ones to get through aren’t the bad games, but rather those that are just immensely boring, and unfortunately South Park is one of the most boring games I’ve ever played, so much that I was fed up of it before the end of the first level.

South Park avoids being terrible because it’s based on Turok. It was created by the same company alongside Turok 2, running on the same engine. This also brings along its disadvantages, such as the obscene fog, something that is far more egregious in the straightforward, bland and empty environments of South Park.

You play as Cartman, Kyle, Kenny and the other kid from South Park. A comet is causing strange things to attack the town. Chef provides exposition, and that’s about it for the characters and story (there are a lot of characters in the multiplayer, so it’s a bit odd they’re not used in the story). The voice acting itself is true to the show, but lines are repeated so often (and enemy sound effects are so annoying) that I turned down the voice and sound effects half way into the first level.

You play as all four kids as once. As you swap weapons, you’ll transform into the relevant kid that has that weapon. It’s a really odd system and ultimately makes it feel like you’re not really controlling any of them.

While the kinds of enemies change throughout the game (one type per set of levels that make up an “episode”), they mostly consist of two types. There are the basic minions, which generally just run towards you making annoying noises, you’ll have to kill hundreds in each level. I was bored of killing turkeys before the end of the first level. The only slightly interesting enemies are the toys in the final episode.

Then there are the tanks. They spawn more minions while making a dash for the start of the level. If they reach the start, they’ll disappear and at the end of the level you’ll have to defend South Park from them.

The weapons are the most interesting thing in the game. Some, like the dodgeball, you can even catch to regain ammo. There’s a rocket launcher using cows, an alien dance weapon, a sniper chicken that shoot eggs and other whacky weapons. As this was made so early in the show’s life, it may have been the only part where the developers could be creative.

Ultimately, the incredibly tedious level design makes this a chore to play. The levels don’t have anything interesting in them, and the vast, empty spaces and fog means that even though the levels are liner, there are arrows dotted across the map to show you where you need to go. South Park isn’t terrible, but worse: it’s mind-numbingly boring.

Poor

Then, an hour later, you face what must be the one-hundred wave of brown-feathered birdies, whose only behavioural pattern turns out to be taking one look at you and then homing on in. None of the sinister intelligence that made GoldenEye or Turok 2 so complex in involving, and a solid-gold guarantee that round the next corner will be more of the dame, 20 times over.

James Ashton, N64 Magazine #25. Review Score: 73%

Remake or Remaster?

Perhaps a collection of South Park games, although none reviewed well until recently.

Official Ways to get the game

There’s no official way to play South Park.