Editor's note: The following is neither a damning expose on the under-representation of homosexuality in video gaming. Nor is it a condemnation of homosexuality in any shape or form. It's just intended as a bit of fun, so don't start sharpening your bibles. Or your feather boas.

So who is gay these days? Video gaming was once seen as the preserve of under-sexed greasy teenagers with nothing better to do on a Saturday night than stare at blurry representations of pixellated women in scantily clothes. While the above analogy may no longer be accurate, what is true is that real-life has become enlightened enough to accept and embrace homosexual lifestyles, video gaming is still lagging far behind. We blow open the closet and reveal the top 5 most likely gay characters in Nintendo games.

Now, you'll notice two glaring omissions in the following list: Link and Birdo. Birdo we did not include as, frankly, we're unsure of its gender anyway, and while Link would seem an obvious choice (his long hair and "Fairy Boy" moniker) we excluded him so we didn't get eaten alive by fanboys or receive any more nunchuk-related death threats from imbeciles who think we are denigrating their favourite character. And also, probably more importantly, Link himself has an enormous sword. Brother ain't gonna out a guy with a big sword, y'know?

So without further ado, here's the top five:

Who:
Princess Zelda

Why?
Threatened by Ganondorf, her first recourse was to dress up like a man. Er� what? Why didn't you just run away, love? Last time we were threatened by rabid PS3 owners at N-Europe towers we hid under the desks until they went away. Not one of us said "Hey, I know, let's all wear dresses, that'll really confuse them!". Besides, Franklin was already wearing a dress at the time.
The argument that necessity made her do it holds some weight, but again it seems a little strange that she always appeared to Link in the guise of a man. Maybe she thought there was something behind all those "Fairy Boy" comments and wanted to test the waters� but we're heading into Birdo territory right there.

Verdict: Undecided. The girl has some pretty gorgeous dresses, but palace life is likely to get lonely.

Fabulous Factor: 1/5

Who:
Samus Aran

Why?
Samus Aran is probably the archetypical bounty hunter of video games: a silent loner performing countless dangerous missions against ever-more bloodthirsty foes. Samus is the go-to girl for the Federation, but she never seems to be able to settle down in one place. We suspect that even in the far future, her lifestyle choices would render her something of a social pariah. Therefore the life of an itinerant bounty hunter suits her far more than being ostracised by her own society. The other evidence is that no-one seems to be attracted to her or talks about her as an object of desire, maybe because they no she is pretty much off-limits to anyone with a Y-chromosome. Also she does a job traditionally associated with men. Now, we're not suggesting any female who acts in a predominantly male-dominated role is batting for the other side, but there could be a strong underlying dislike of men and a sense of the need to assert her own femininity.

Verdict: Unlikely, but anything's possible. Her upbringing with the Chozo may have led to her seeming distance from men.

Fabulous Factor: 2/5

Who:
Mr. Luigi Mario

Why?
Mario's taller little brother has always been something of a quandary to gamers: he jumps higher than the man most famous for his jumping skills and he carries off the overalls with much more aplomb due to his skinnier frame.
However, poor Luigi in a near-permanent state of nervousness that renders him pretty much incapable of competing with his portlier brother. The question is why?
Well, not to make generalisations, but as both Luigi and Mario are Italian, there's a very good chance that they come from a Catholic family. The pressure on Luigi to conform and marry the tomboyish Daisy must be immense and the constant browbeating this would elicit leads the poor boy into perpetual fear.
What is he really frightened of? Discovery.

Verdict: Not predisposed to be flamboyant in his behaviour, but the green wonder is almost certainly hiding something under those blue-and-greens, we suspect it's a love for show-tunes and 1950's comic books, as well as more delicate desserts with coffee and créme-de-menthe.

Fabulous Factor: 3/5

Who:
Kirby

Why?
Pink? Check. Enjoys cooking? Check. Famous for sucking things into his big ol' mouth? Double check.
Kirby is a pretty obvious choice with his neat red shoes and funny little dance every time he completes a level. Nothing says pure fabulous like a massive donking hammer with a sparkly star added for good measure.
'Nuff said.

Verdict: Kirby could go either way, his behaviour certainly suggests he's very good to his mother and more than likely has a separate purse for his change.

Fabulous Factor: 4/5

Who:
Falco Lombardi

Why?
And finally at number one� Falco Lombardi? Well, not the most obvious choice we'll admit, but scratch the surface and the signs are all there.
The only real loner of the Star Fox team and the one member who disappeared off in between Lylat Wars and Starfox Adventures. Where did he go? What did he do? We believe that Falco's brash, no-nonsense attitude stems from a great deal of insecurity inherent on his personality. His single-minded devotion to his flying abilities marks a person hiding from his other character defects, or at least, what he perceives as his character defects. Nothing says "covering up for something" like over-the-top machismo.
Falco flies with the elite of the Lylat command, and the pressures on him must be absolutely immense, so his more poetic tendencies and other gifts have to go unnoticed if he is to maintain his position in the team. Listen to some of the things he says in the games and you'll see that he is constantly pre-empting criticism and drawing attention to the faults of others - a sure sign of deep-seated insecurity.
Then there is his animosity towards Krystal. We're not suggesting he rejects her as a rival for Fox's affections, nor her pivotal role in one of the most prettily-terrible games in history. No. The real reason he hates her? She looks better in a dress.

Verdict: Sorry Falco, the secret is out and so are you. Now is a good time to paint those fun-tastic pink stripes on your Arwing.

Fabulous Factor: 5/5

Agree? Disagree? Let us know your thoughts below...