GameOff: Gaming TV

The other night, at about 12 or 1 or something I was flicking through the channels on Sky. As usual, there was absolutely nothing on. Sky News was repeating stuff I'd watched the previous hour, the music channels hadn't anything interesting and the 'entertainment' channels were showing some god awful shows. So I flicked it over to Game Network (Skys only games channel), thinking maybe I'd catch an interesting game video or two (the only reason I ever watch the channel). And what was on Skys only games channel? Babestation. For all you lucky enough not to have watched it, Babestation is a awful show where there are 3 'babes' on screen (I say 'babes' because half of them aren't even that good-looking), and a text panel. Basically, sad losers, with embarrassing names like 'BigKnob' and 'sexiedude' text in pathetic messages with hyperbolic comments on themselves and pathetic plies like 'Babe 1 show ur tits!'. How sad are these guys that they have nothing better to do than waste 50p a text on such a pointless show? And yes, this story has a point, and I'm getting to it.

The point is that this is the kind of stuff the sole games channel on television is coming out with. Just think for a second, how great a games channel could be. Trouble is, games and television seldom mix well. We've had the laughable GamesMaster at the very beginning, and then awful attempts by TV execs who just don't understand gamers. Any half-decent show was ruined by stupid decisions to include other 'tech' aspects, or is put on in the wee hours of the morning (honestly, whose going to be up to watch them?). You think these people could actually get a true gamer on board to advise on what gamers want. That one on Bravo hosted by Violet Berlin (can't remember its name) is good, but desperately needs new episodes. .tv (pronounced dot-TV) have been the best so far. There was computer shows, a daily games show called Game Over (which had good reviews, news and features), a games gameshow and a games help show. They also had some special shows, I remember a great 2-part 'Pong to Playstation' feature that had interviews with industry stars like Peter Molyneux about their favourite games and talked with games journalists about the history of games. Very enjoyable. What happened to that channel? It was axed.

So when I heard about Game Network I was overjoyed. A channel devoted entirely to games!? That should be great. Unfortunately, it is anything but. The design of the channel is so...cheap. The presenters don't sound as if they actually know about games, the 'news' is horribly outdated and irregular, the show times are all muddled up, so you can never be sure of what's on. Irritating competitions are always on, and there seems to be absolutely no thought put into the show content. Oh, and don't even mention the stupid decision to have a text panel taking up the half the screen. It's nothing more than a commonplace for idiots and morons alike.

But the worst thing about this is that a games channel has so much potential. Just imagine it. News bulletins every evening on the big stories of the day perhaps? A 'Newsnight'-type show with in-depth reports on certain stories. Or how about interviews with industries honchos every now and then? How great would it be to have a presenter quizzing Miyamoto on the new Zelda and Mario, or tearing into Acclaim about their outrageous dip in all things quality. Maybe even debating shows where you have people from Nintendo, Sony and Microsoft arguing over, say, online gaming. Or maybe a show devoted to showing (and then discussing) the latest footage of the big games. But this is just the tip of the possible iceberg.

We all would love to visit shows like E3, Tokyo Games Show, Spaceworld etc. but can't, unless you're in the world of games journalism (*cough*). What if GN actually went to the shows with cameras, and we could see the shows on our telly. What's that? GN does do that? Well, you wouldn't know it from watching the channel, any games show footage is terribly used. When I was into wrestling a while back there was nothing like sitting up to the early hours of the morning to watch the big events. But what if we could be watching the big conferences live, instead of waiting up online to get the screens and announcements. Imagine watching live the unveiling of the cel-shaded Zelda, how would that have felt instead of just seeing some screens for your initial look? And then, they could switch to a topic discussion show where intelligent informed gamers talk about what they've just seen, and allow gamers to mail and text in their own opinion.

But of course we probably won't see anything like this, GN seem content with the utter tripe they are currently churning out. And the worst thing about the channel? It could be so, so, much better if some thought went into it, or it got gamers like myself on board to advise them on what a games channel really should be like. but as it stands, it's just a big pile of steaming, wasted potential. A shame really.

Not so Epic?

I have always been a keen follower of the epics. Games you play for ages to complete, games that complete wrap you up in what's going on so much that sleep matters not. Games that you can sit for hours on end playing. But these kind of games are increasingly seeming not as amicable to me. People say that Metroid Fusion is too short, but I think it's the perfect length. I got it for Christmas and only completed it last week. Same with Eternal Darkness, I still haven't completed it with one magick, despite receiving it with Fusion. And I've still only completed Resident Evil with Jill only. And these games are accused of being short?

I think the problem lies in age. As a child, I could afford to waste hours away on epic games, but I'm finding more and more that I just don't have the same time for them anymore. With the daily grind of school, coursework, studying and yes, even work on C-E, huge games aren't appealing to me all that much now. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't miss Metroid Prime and Zelda for the world (although with exams approaching they may, god forbid, have to be put on hold), but how can you just dip into big adventure games with some spare minutes? Taking a short break from homework, I find myself going to Tony Hawks for a couple of 2-minute quickies to relax me. Eternal Darkness is reserved for Saturday nights when I have the time.

Now I'm not saying developers should stop making any epics (dear god no), but they don't have to be so concerned with extending the lifespan of their games. Just make it good, give it a lifespan that suits it, and let us do the rest. I'm sure older gamers with jobs, and kids, and a lot of responsibilities don't want to have to sit at a game for ages to get to the good parts, they'd want games that suck you in right away where you can play for 5 minutes or even 5 hours if you can. If Nintendo are indeed opting for a 'shorter-game' policy with some of their games, then I'm not really that fussed about it. We'll always have the Zeldas and the Final Fantasys and the Skies of Arcadias for big-game cravings, but this 'the-longer-the-better' attitude I see sometimes isn't right. Lifespan doesn't have to be the be-all-and-end-all of a game, that's all.

Mystic Conor

A while back NOE released the dates for some of this years biggest games. As always, these are never set in stone. And so I will gaze into my mystical release date ball to predict when we'll be getting the years big games.

-Mario Kart WON'T make it out this year
-Zelda WILL make its date
-Pikmin 2 WILL come out this year
-F-Zero will be out this WINTER
-1080 Avalanche will be released in AUTUMN
-There WILL be at least 2 unknown internally developed games out by Christmas
-FF: Crystal Chronicles will be released in AUTUMN
-Viewtiful Joe will be out at CHRISTMAS
-Project Number 3 will be out at CHRISTMAS
-The rest of the 'Capcom 5' WON'T be out this year