Getting hard information about System 3's Super Fruitfall is difficult. Honestly, it appears the publishers have decided the best course of action is to not tell any magazines or websites too much about the title, presumably for fear that people that actually be interested in it, or maybe – gasp! – want to exchange money for it over a counter in a games store somewhere. I best keep my subversive ideas quiet; I hear the government wants to put microphones on CCTV cameras now. They could put my giblets in jars for this damn Marxist nonsense.

With my deerstalker hat and pipe ready, I begin my journalistic mission. First stop is, as always, Google, an armchair detective's best friend. I type in the name, but there doesn't appear to be any real articles on the game. Damn. Hm, Tesco has something. “Simple in concept but with enormous depth as the challenge increases. Super Fruitfall is very easy to grasp with simple controls but will keep players coming back for more, eager to improve their performance.” Sounds fishy to me. Since when were Tesco an authority on videogame quality? I smell a press release. Onto Virgin, where they have the same description and endorsement. I was right. There are some nuggets of info here though, they could be useful.

Apparently the aim in the game is make fruit “disappear” by moving, not the apples and bananas themselves, but the grid around them (bit of a Monkey Ball vibe already) to group the same bits of fruit together. There are bonuses for making multiple disappearances happen. Like Tetris, with skins.

Post-google, my search is getting more and more difficult. Wikipedia has an article about the developer, System 3, but does not mention Super Fruitfall in its rundown of Wii titles they have in development. I hit their official site in hope, but am devastated. The 'games' page tells me to click on an icon for a particular format: there's GBA, Game Boy Color, PC CD-Rom, Playstation, and Playstation 2. And nothing else. It's they haven't updated since the turn of the century. I'm getting desperate. Does this game even exist? Am I imagining all this? I'm having an existential crisis. Help!

Gamespress, the lifesaver for online journos, fail to sort my problem out. There's a record for the game, but no information. Does this publisher even know what the media is? Only one option left: go to Ebay and hope someone is selling a copy, and has a description of it. All the tat of the world is on ebay, so I'm feeling confident. I search, and find a seller! I click. Yes, some information! Simple in concept but with enormous depth as the challenge increases… no! Foiled. Dejected, I close the browser and weep a little into myself.

If anyone has any information about the game, or decides to buy it on Friday, let us know what you think of it. Perhaps all this mystery is because it's so darn good, they can't let people know about it, because our tiny minds would implode upon experiencing it. Perhaps it's a whole new way of looking at videogames, and at life, or a government produced secret project that could tip the global power balance. Maybe. Wait, what was that? I should stop, I hear stormtrooper boots outside.